SasuNaru and the Cheesy Pick Up Lines
by Sir Daebak
Summary: Little oneshots including cheesy pick-up lines. A raven trying to pick up a blonde, sometimes failing miserably and sometimes getting a complete hit.
1. Kiss Kiss Fall In Love

A/N: I know, I know, I broke my promise, but I really wanted to write this before anyone else got the idea

A/N: I know, I know, I broke my promise, but I really wanted to write this before anyone else got the idea.

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A blonde with shaggy thick locks walked into the crowded mall, looking around aimlessly as he started towards a table and sat down. He shifted in his seat trying to find a comfortable position on the grid-like chair. He lifted his backpack into view and pulled out a book, which he held up to his face. He dropped his backpack back onto the floor beside him and continued to get absorbed into the book, not much aware of his surroundings.

He had his pinky and thumb hold the book open with his left hand as his right hand was formed into a fist under his chin. His blue eyes moved back and forth as they read the onslaught of interesting words. He tapped his foot to create some kind of beat while reading and flipped his hair when it got in his eyes, obscuring the page from view.

He didn't see but a raven walked by him and did a double take. A mischievous look overcame his handsome face and he turned around to take a seat across the blonde. The blonde continued to read the book, turning a page every now and then. The raven got impatient and started tapping his leg loudly hoping to get the blonde's attention. But no avail.

"Ahem." A small cough was heard from the raven as he continued to look at the blonde attentively, waiting for a reaction. Complete silence and the page turning was what the raven heard.

"Ahem ahem." A little louder now as the raven's temper was rising. The blonde stuck his finger in his ear and rubbed it absentmindedly.

"AHEM AHEM AHEM!" The raven shouted out snapping the blonde out of his stupor. The blue looked up at the raven making the raven gasp inaudibly.

"May I help you?" The blonde asked slightly unnerved by getting interrupted from his reading. The raven regained his cool look and crossed his arms over his chest. '

"Do you have the time?" The raven asked coolly. The blonde looked surprised but then raised a brow skeptically. He lifted his watch and looked down at the time. He looked back up and told the raven what time it was. The raven smirked and shook his 'no'.

"No I meant the time to write my number down." The raven said and took the surprised blonde's wrist into his hand. He took out a sharpie and proceeded to write his number on the back of the blonde's hand in elegant neat scrawl. He capped the marker and stood up with his hands in his pockets. He gave one backward glance at the blonde and walked towards the exit.

The blonde looked amazed for a few minutes and shook his head out of his thoughts to look at the back of his hand. The book lay there opened on the table, forgotten.

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Ah, how does the first chapter sound? I'm sorry if it's bad, but I've had this idea for months now and decided to write. It's a good idea but I just don't know how to execute it, so I hope I hit a slam dunk on my first try.


	2. Maybe You're My Love

A/N: Right. I see these oneshots aren't that great? Well, I suppose I'll keep on going anyways. This will be like an outlet for me when I have nothing to write for.

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A blonde sat at the bar in the pub with his laughing friends as they slowly started to get drunk. Of course, there were many people lurking around trying to find defenseless targets, including a raven man. He looked around at the almost drunk people and his vision focused on the blonde who was laughing with his weirdo friends.

He tried to make it discreetly as possible as he sat down next to the blonde and ordered something. His arm brushed against the blonde's back and the blonde moved up a little but didn't turn around. He was slightly annoyed when the drink came back and the blonde didn't look at him.

He purposely made his knee bump into the blonde's butt making the blonde talk about the crowded bar and maybe leave the bar. The raven internally panicked as his target was thinking about moving away but luckily he was saved by the blonde's friends.

They shook their heads 'no' explaining that they were too dizzy to move. The blonde nodded his head in understanding and sympathy. The raven elbowed the blonde and took a sip of his drink. This time the blonde did turn around somewhat annoyed.

"Excuse me? Can you please move over some?" The blonde asked assertively while putting one hand on his hip. The raven ignored him and kept on drinking his beverage. The blonde turned back to his friends and ranted to them about the rude raven.

"Excuse me?" The blonde said again. The raven glanced at him from his cup and stopped for a moment. He put the cup down at fully turned to the blonde. The blonde stood there surprised and expectant.

"I'm invisible." The raven said out of nowhere and the blonde hesitated moment thinking that the guy was completely nuts or already drunk.

"What?" The blonde asked incredulously. The raven smirked and leaned closer to the blonde.

"Can you see me?" The raven whispered to the blonde and looked up at his blue eyes. The blonde looked stunned and put down his cup. He turned back to his friends who were staring at the both of them silently and attentively. The blonde shook his head at his friends' antics.

"Yes." The blonde said back to the raven like it was obvious. Which it was since everyone could see him. The raven smiled.

"Great! How about tomorrow night?" He asked and waited for an answer. The blonde stood there dumbly not understanding until his brain kicked in.

"Wait wait…what?" He asked confused.

"I said how about tomorrow night? Can you see me?" He said with a smirk on his face as he took another swig from his cup. The blonde stared at the raven like his was crazy and slowly turned back to his friends. The shooed their hands at him saying that he should go with the raven.

"You guys make me go out with so many guys who try to pick me up; I'm surprised nobody labeled me a slut yet." He said annoyed and took another drink from his cup. The raven overheard that part of the conversation and narrowed his eyes.

He didn't know why he was already getting possessive of the blonde now, he barely knew the man. But there was no helping to it. Whatever an Uchiha wanted, an Uchiha got and whatever was an Uchiha's is always an Uchiha's.

The blonde turned back around and nodded his head simply and then started to talk to the raven. His friends left after a few minutes leaving the blonde to get a ride with the raven.

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Well, second chapter. Hopefully more people will review?

**HeartxFire: **Thank you so much! Yes each chapter will be an oneshot involving a pick up line. So sad, you're the only one who reviewed! But thanks a lot, its good to know that somebody at least likes it.

Oyasumi,

Daikaishi


	3. I’ve noticed that

A/N: Well, it looks like I'm on a roll today!

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Sitting in the mall with his other skater friends was a blonde. They sat around the huge water fountain in the middle of the mall as they held onto their skateboards and told each other jokes. Insisting the blonde to tell one of his jokes, made him pull his hood up and let it loosely hang off his head as he leaned one of his arms on his skateboard.

With each passing second, his voice grew in excitement and the finale made his friends freeze for a moment only to bust out in laughter as they toppled backwards clutching their stomachs.

The blonde smirked and looked at his mass of laughing friends while admiring his handiwork. No later, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around. Sensing that one of their group members was being bothered they stood up and straightened out their clothes and composed their faces.

They stood behind the blonde some leaning on him while others rested there arms around his shoulders as they looked at the raven critically. The blonde snorted at his friends' behavior and looked the raven over.

"You need something?" He asked bluntly and waited for an answer as he leaned slightly on his brunette friend's chest.

"Can I have directions?" The raven asked as he eyed the people hanging around his target. His ears picked up the word as he heard the blonde mutter to his friends 'psh, tourist' making his friends laugh and snicker. They looked back at him with smirks on their faces making the raven almost roll his eyes.

"To where?" The blonde asked and the people behind him repeated the question while getting into the raven's face. They thought it was pretty suspicious that a sleazy looking raven was asking their blonde for directions when he could have asked somebody else.

"To your heart." The raven said as he crossed his arms and smirked. The group blinked for a moment until they spread from the group in different directions saying 'ohhhhh!' while laughing. The blonde looked at the raven calculatedly. They composed themselves again and walked up to the raven.

"Why you trying to pick up our blonde, huh?" They asked obnoxiously getting in his face again. He backed up as he felt these monstrosities breathing his air.

"I don't owe you an explanation." He said directly to the tall brunette making the surrounding group members put there hands up to their mouths and say 'ohhhhh!' again. The raven smirked when he got the group's attention. The brunette narrowed his eyes at the raven and then smirked.

"We don't let our blonde go out with bastards like you." He said and turned around; his group following as he gently pushed the blonde away from the raven. The raven's eyes narrowed dangerously as he saw them taking away his target.

The blonde looked back at the weird raven and started talking animatedly with vigor to his friends.

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Sorry, the blonde's not being picked up today since the summary does say that the raven sometimes fails miserably. The tall brunette in this oneshot is Kiba, okay? And when they asked "why you trying to pick up our blonde, huh?" there isn't supposed to be an "are".

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**naruke3176: **Really? They're supposed to be cheesy and lame. I really don't think people use pick-up lines anymore. I dunno what they even use. I think it's like "wanna go out?" and then they do.

**Kayvy: **Thank you for your compliments.

**HeartxFire: **It worked! It's not that easy though, these are tiny oneshots but I try to put lots of details to make it seem a little bit longer. Thank you for your compliments. I think the reason that people don't like that plot anymore is because it's so overly used.

**Illusory Impurity: **Haha, thank you for the love. I need it. Yes, as I stated in my other review reply was that I know that I shouldn't be so expectant to get so many reviews since my stories aren't the best. But when people review I feel reassured that my story is good enough to make people read it. If I don't get reviews, I take the story down. Yes, even though criticism is not welcomed much with open arms, I always smile when I get it because I like when people point out my flaws. I'm an opposite person in a way. I smile when I feel pain, I smile when I see something sad on TV and I smile at criticism. It's not that I'm saying that I'm insensitive or a masochist, it's just that I react to different stuff in different ways.

**gaaranojutsu02: **You are the only person who pointed that out; I was wondering if nobody knew that song.

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See ya,

Daikaishi


	4. I’m by your side all the time

A/N: So hopefully, this collection will have 100 chapters all together within the next year? Anybody know of a fanfic that has 100 chapters or more? Tell me if you do, I'll check it out. And if it's possible, I would like this collection to have the highest number of chapters in all of FF.

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HOW **NOT** TO PICK UP A GIRL/MAN (part 1)

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Passing along the row of whores, prostitutes, sluts, whatever you want to call them, was a lecherous raven. He focused in on the cute pretty ones, and not the ones who were unflattering or shoving their boobs or thrusting their hips in his face as he passed along in his car.

Carefully scoping the mass of skanks, he sighed, there was nothing there worth his time. He was about to back up and drive away when his eyes got caught on a very cute blonde. His clothes were not as revealing or sluttish as the other whores but he didn't need to show his body off to get the raven's attention.

He parked his car along the side and as he made his way to the blonde, girls and guys tried to cling to him and rub against him. Desperately trying not to gag and vomit, he brushed them away like they were diseases, and shuddered. They probably were full of diseases. Hopefully the blonde was not infected.

He carefully approached the blonde with arrogance. The women the blonde was talking to looked over his shoulder and her eyes widened. She could not conceal her excitement and raked a hand through her hair, then, smoothed out her short skirt. The raven rolled his eyes at the action. The blonde's eyebrow rose at the women's action and looked over his shoulder back at the raven.

He turned around fully to eye the raven warily, who smirked at him; the blonde looked over at his friend who was blushing and batting her eyelashes at the raven. He shrugged his shoulders and turned to leave, but a firm hand on his wrist stopped him. He turned his head and narrowed his eyes and the arrogant raven.

It seemed that all the whores, prostitutes, sluts, whatever you want to call them, stopped talking just to see what the raven was going to do. The raven let the blonde's wrist go and the blonde eyed him warily as he rubbed his wrist. The raven leaned in closer to the short blonde with his hands in his pocket and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Hey baby, wanna earn fifty bucks?" The raven said huskily as his eyes roamed down the blonde's body. The blonde's ice cold eyes narrowed into slits and he pulled his foot back only to let it hit the raven's crotch. A moment of silence was heard after the blonde kicked the raven.

A low whine was heard from the raven's throat until he released a very angry hiss. His eyes narrowed at the equally angry blonde. The throng of people seemed to back away from the intensity of the glaring pair.

"What the _fuck _dobe?!" The raven hissed out while trying to withstand the pain without touching himself degradingly in front of the crowd that had formed. The blonde growled and poked the raven in the chest repeatedly.

"Does it look like I'm a prostitute?! Why the hell are you trying to pick me up?!" The blonde shouted and then pulled at his blonde locks. The raven's face turned red with rage.

"I would think so! Your clothes don't exactly help you and you were _talking _to one of your prostitute buddies!" The raven screamed back and the blonde got in the raven's face as his face scrunched up with anger.

"Well, maybe I was just talking to one of my friends who just so happens to be a prostitute! Huh, how about that?!" The blonde said and stormed away. The raven's anger dissipated and then he let out a frustrated yell and stomped back to his car.

The crowd stood there paralyzed after the two stormed off. The raven didn't even have a chance after uttering that horrible pick up line.

In conclusion: You shouldn't immediately assume that somebody is a whore, prostitute, or slut, whatever you want to call it, if you see them talking to one.

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Okay, this chapter wasn't that great and no complaining about the conclusion "like somebody wouldn't think that!" and what not. I know somebody would've. That is a pick up line. I've seen many different times.

(Insert some word here),

Daikaishi


	5. But is it really hate?

A/N: I'm on a roll again! But not for long, I have to update the other story.

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HOW **NOT **TO PICK UP A GIRL/MAN (part 2)

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Uchiha Sasuke was a businessman, in a big business corporation. All business and no pleasure. So if the businessman was resorting to pick up lines after getting tired from being a workaholic, it probably meant that he was a very horny raven and could not resist the pleasure of sex.

The problem was how to get somebody to help him with his problem without bothering him with the drama of a relationship. Of course he couldn't find a prostitute, he was just too good for that and what if this person had a disease of some sort? Who would make sure this company would not fall?

This brought him back to the problem and the only way was to target somebody within the company. He needed an idiot. Which brought him to the fact that there was an idiot residing in the company. The one and only Uzumaki Naruto. All around rookie who was as dumb as they get but he was also, loud, hyperactive, and obnoxious.

So basically, it was a done deal. There was no way that the blonde would reject him or even remember with his short attention span.

He took his coffee from the dispenser and walked around the chattering employees to the table with the high stools where the blonde was. He was talking to the other employees while eating his bagel and cream cheese loudly. The raven took the seat next to the blonde listening in on the conversation, while getting greetings from the people who were listening to the blonde.

The blonde turned around and smiled while offering a hand out to the raven in greeting.

"Uzumaki Naruto." The blonde said happily as his smile widened to the point where his eyes closed and crinkled. The raven smirked at the dumb blonde and shook the hand that was offered.

"Uchiha Sasuke."

The blonde smiled again and turned back to the people he was talking with, every now and then the raven inserting his own opinion. As the people excused themselves to get a drink the blonde took a sip of his own drink and turned to the raven who decided to take his chance now.

"Hey, I want to tell you a joke." The raven said and the blonde bounced in his seat, completely excited from the thought of telling each other jokes. The raven leaned in to the happy blonde and whispered in his ear.

"What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?" The blonde thought for a moment and then shrugged while whispering an 'I don't know' in the raven's ear. The other employees returned and waited for the blonde to turn around. The raven smirked and whispered.

"My zipper." The raven then waggled his eyebrows at the blonde. There was a deafening silence as the raven waited for the stupid blonde to answer. The blonde pulled back and glared at the raven and made a disgusted sound in his throat.

"That's disgusting." The blonde said and grabbed his cup while he stood up, alerting the employees.

"Naruto, where are you going?" They asked and the blonde whispered to them about what happened making them look at the raven with disgusted and disappointed expressions. They gathered their stuff and walked away from the area. The raven thumped his head against the counter in defeat.

Uchiha Sasuke was a business man, a workaholic. All business and no pleasure.

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Well, is this one better? Not much to talk about on this one. It's just as it is. Feel free to complain on this chapter.

Ja,

Daikaishi


	6. Love? Is it a fantasy?

A/N: Well, this is the last one for today. See you whenever I feel like updating this story.

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So on this Saturday night was a blonde and a raven who were best friends. They were also completely drunk. It was midnight as they tumbled over each other and dropped their bottles on the plush carpet. They danced goofily and sang off-key to loud rock music while stopping sometimes to retch out their stomachs but continued drinking nonetheless.

Coming down from their out of control behavior from exhaustion, they sat on the couch lazily with the blonde upright and his feet on the messy table while the raven had his head in the blonde's lap lazily and his body in different angles.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, you're drunk." The blonde said as he giggled and slurred his words. The raven looked at him from his lap and then started to laugh until he was hysterical. The blonde joined in with him and the room was filled with crazy laughter.

They gasped for air as they slowly stopped laughing. The raven took a swing of his alcohol but then coughed as it went down his throat the wrong way making the liquid drop from his mouth and drip onto the blonde's pants.

"Hey!" The blonde said but didn't do anything otherwise as the raven laughed again. The blonde giggled and then drank heavily from his bottle. They talked to each other and laughed multiple times when they didn't even know what the other was saying. Their words slurred and their sentences really didn't make sense but they still relished the feeling of talking to each other.

"Naruto, I like you." The raven said seriously then broke out into laughter and looked up at the blonde while pouring more alcohol into his mouth. The blonde laughed along with him and petted the raven's hair.

"Sasuke, you're drunk, buddy." The blonde said and drank from his bottle. The raven glared with his eyes half lidded. He tried to sit up but then just fell back down from the pain of his headache.

"I'm not-I'm not drunk!" He said angrily but then hiccupped and giggled. The blonde smiled down at his drunken pal and ruffled his dark hair.

"Oh? Then what would you call it?" The blonde said with an amused voice. The raven giggled and sat up despite of his headache. He sat in the blonde's lap as he rested his hands against the blonde's chest and his head rested in the blonde's neck muffling his words.

"What was that?" The blonde said as he laughed. The raven pulled back and looked into the blonde's eyes.

"I-I said that I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you." The blonde stopped for a moment but then giggled into the silent room.

"Sasuke, of all the times to tell me a pick-up line…" He said as he shook his head and laughed. The raven's looked at the blonde's lips and just suddenly pressed his own against the blonde's. The blonde stopped talking all together and dropped his half-full bottle of alcohol on the floor spilling it.

His arms wrapped around the raven as they shared a heated kiss. The raven pushed his hands up the blonde's shirt making the blonde moan into their sloppy kiss. The raven pushed the blonde down on the couch and straddled him as he continued to shove his tongue down the blonde's throat and run his fingers over the blonde's torso and chest.

"H-hey." The blonde said weakly as his eyes closed and he was lost in the dark that was inclosing on him. The raven broke away from the limp kiss and looked at the blonde with his eyes squinted.

"Hey Naruto!" The raven said angrily with the words slurred. He weakly pounded the blonde's chest making the blonde grimace and rolled his head. The raven moved his face closer to the blonde and played with the soft blonde locks. He rested his head against the blonde shoulder as he mapped out the blonde's face while slowly falling asleep, his hand limply moving back and forth until it stopped moving.

Loud snores from the blonde were heard in the room as the raven mumbled in his sleep. It would be one hell of a hangover in the morning.

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I do like this chapter. But there is nothing to say about it. Feel free to complain about this chapter.

(thinking of a word to put here),

Daikaishi


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